I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
