i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
birth control should be required to get into college
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
