Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
