what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
