Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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