Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
