you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
