And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
