I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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