glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
