Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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