Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
