How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
