this beer tastes like vomit already
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
