there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I could fuck to npr.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize