If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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