we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize