okay pat passed out under dana's car
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
