A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
