woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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