I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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