I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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