Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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