you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
