Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
