rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
