Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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