Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
