i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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