You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
