I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
