I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize