I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
