Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize