she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
