I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
