Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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