You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
