Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
