Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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