I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
