He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I love having hate sex.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
