My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
