Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
