If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
