yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
