I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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