so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
