i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize