So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
