You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
