wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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