its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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