bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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