i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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