...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
worst night to have a conscience
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
