He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
