I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
