No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
