i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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