it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
