It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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