Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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