If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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