god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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