How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
